In the Quiet Hours, I Miss You Most

Last night, I saw her in my dream.

Her smile, gentle like the embun pagi—the morning dew clinging to hibiscus petals—greeted me with such warmth that I could almost feel the softness of her hands cupping my face the way she always did when I was little. She didn’t speak much. She never had to. Her presence alone was enough to calm the storm within me.

I woke up with tears streaming down my face, the ache in my chest familiar yet fresh. It has been years, but the void she left has never stopped echoing. My late mom—ummi tersayang—was not just my mother. She was my first friend, my best friend, and my forever companion. She was the one who truly saw me, who knew my fears before I voiced them and believed in my dreams even when I doubted myself.

She prayed for me more than I ever prayed for myself.

In the moments of triumph, when others applauded, I used to search for her face in the crowd. Now, I lift my gaze to the sky and whisper my gratitude, hoping the wind carries it to Jannah, where she now rests. Ummi, if only you knew how your prayers still shield me, how your faith still lights my way.

But I remember—Allah Maha Mengetahui. He knew that I had to walk this path without you so I could learn the strength you planted in me all those years. Through each dugaan, each test, I hear your voice urging me to be strong, to carry on with resilience and grace. Just like you always did.

Malay culture teaches us about the beauty of patience, of redha, of accepting life’s impermanence with a bowed head and a trusting heart. And so I try to move forward, step by step, knowing this world is but a passage. Nothing here truly belongs to us—not even the people we love most.

Yet some nights, like last night, my heart travels back home. I sit by the window, remembering how you used to cook briyani kambing while the birds chirping outside the balcony. I long for your advice, your laugh, the way your eyes twinkled when I came home after a long day.

But I know… this longing is love. And love, when it is real, never truly dies.

To those who still have their mothers—hug them a little tighter today. Call them. Listen when they talk about the weather or the price of fish at the market. Those moments are not small; they are everything.

And to you, Ummi—may Allah shower your soul with rahmah and place you among the righteous. I carry you with me always, in every step, every breath, every doa whispered under the stars.

Last Night’s Hum

Been two years letting this blog idle and dusty. Here, I want to tell you one story about love. This happened when I was studying in my undergraduate years. That time was my sophomore year.

       There was a guy who’s working in the same bureau under a hostel commission board who’s charismatic and knowledgeable. He’s an ambitious person and loves to push his limits to achieve success.

       In our bureau, there’s an introverted girl who loves to listen, follow and learn. In her mind was full with ideas and she’s very creative. She loves to draw her artwork, creating cute stuffs based on her imagination.

       Both of them work together to make a mega project which creating huge impact to the society. Although they come from different background of study (that guy was in arts stream while the girl in science stream), they always share insights and general knowledge after meeting.

       Sometimes, they hangout together, eating and having discussions until late at night. Young blooded people that time, huh. A great thing about my friend, he loves to inspire others by sharing his thoughts about current issues regardless of economics, politics and so on.

       This reminds that girl about her dad because most of this guy’s attributes are similar to her dad’s. From that, she loved that guy and adored him. They remain good friends even after accomplish the mega project.

       One day, one of her classmates found out that the guy that she loved has someone special. It broke and crushed her heart, though. She cried, she called me and speak about this.

       I’m truly sorry to know about this but, I asked her, did she confess her love to that guy or not. Yes, she did tell that guy that she likes him very much. Unfortunately, my friend gave her hope. That’s really devastating.

998 Days of Happiness

Assalamualaikum and how are you people? It's being a tough life lately because I was busy with my studies in Minden. Now I got a chance to tell you guys what happened throughout almost one year disappeared from blogging. Well, it doesn't matter to you guys, but this matters to me and my best friend. It was a great time spent by this happy couple for 998 days since they met during freshmen.
          My friend met his girl when they attended the same lecture hall in the first semester. He was a latecomer at that time because he entered our university almost one month later than his batch. At first, he tried so hard to adapt to a new culture (because he went from a non-Malaysian education culture). I always spent my time with him all day long and show him several basic information that he can use to survive in our university like bus commuter schedule and so on.
          He is a fast learner and an inquirer student and always keep up to date with his environment including his group assignment (even though he's late). He told me that his girl was his groupmate for a university course and they worked cooperatively and performed better than other group mates. After one semester, both of them studied together and he always took his girl places of interests in Penang because he loves travelling so do to this girl.
          Time goes by, during sophomore, their relationship is getting stronger and sweeter as they rely on each other during happy days and tough times. Both of them were active students but they do not work together because my friend was active in residents' council while his partner joined a youth volunteer secretariat. They share their happiness and tell stories about themselves almost every time even though they were busy with assignments and projects.
          I love seeing them like that because my friend was very happy. He ever told me that his life at that moment was full of stars in the sky or a rainbow after the rain. I felt happy for him because he found a partner that suits his life. His girl is adorable, kind and lovely. She was a kindhearted person and always care about my friend. I can still remember when my friend was ill, she helped him and comfort him by taking him to the clinic nearby. So glad to have her that loved so much at my friend.
          However, their relationship has ups and downs. They seldom fought each other or having little conflicts. Because they love and appreciate each other. I respect their relationship and love to see them together until one day, during junior year. My friend did something bad to her. He actually intended to help his widowed uncle to find a new partner for him during Eid by using a dating app.
          His uncle was unable to access the application, but as he trusted his uncle, he let his uncle do the job. However, his uncle used the application without his notification until my friend got caught by his girl. They had a cold war at that time because after Eid we have a final examination. My friend told me that he wanted to surprise his girl during the 1000th day of the anniversary of their relationship and solve everything on that day.
          Sadly on their 998th days of love, his girl asked for a breakup and he cried so badly. I try to comfort him and ask what's going on. He admitted his mistakes and beg his girl to stay with him. But, it was too late for him to do so. I felt very sorry to him and asked her to tell her for another chance. But, he admitted that his girl always gave him chances but she cannot stand longer. It was the hardest day for him as it was not his intention to be a player. He loved his girl so much. May Allah S.W.T. help him and nurture his broken heart. I might not able enough to cure him, but I will try my best to cheer him up.

Every Cloud has a Silver Lining

Assalamualaikum and how are you guys? Yeah, it's been a long time not updating my blog (coughing). I don't care if you guys wanna read what I'm going to write here but, I really hope that this message will give you guys hope and inspiration to continue with your life. As for your information, I love observing people around me. Studying their behaviour and attitudes which helps me to improve myself.

          I met a girl who is slightly younger than me from my campus years ago. She is a nice person. She is beautiful, brilliant and very kind-hearted person. Although her first impression doesn't cover her real appearance as an extraordinary student. Her behaviour doesn't change since I met her and we had shared our life stories and interests together. It was a positive feedback for our relationship as both of us trust each other.

          One day, she told me about her pasts (in the relationship). I didn't expect that she's gonna tell me her private stories as before this we always talk about our campus life and our goals and problems in lives. I lend my ears to hear her stories that shocked me for a sudden. My expectation towards her changes a lot (even though I still accept the truth). Time changes and she wants to make herself a better person.

          I felt sorry for her about her dark pasts and told her to move on to a better life but she's worried about her past that can make her life wreckless in the future. I'm curious about it. I asked her but she didn't tell me. Therefore, I try to figure out what happened to her in the past that makes her scared or anxious about it. By using information technology as my secondary source, I try to study her case.

          It took about months to know her better (her case doesn't interrupt my studies). However, the outcome is precious. It was like solving a jigsaw puzzle which requires analytical and logical thinking technique. Her extraordinary character proves to me that she is genuine and trying to improve herself to become a better person. Until now, I tell her that 'every cloud has a silver lining' which means she should never feel hopeless because difficult times always lead to better days.

          She needs hope and someone to take care of her (even she has her family). I promised her that I will cherish her life and give her happiness. I want to bring her up and make her happy. May Allah S.W.T. ease her and make her happy.

Alam Tanah Air

Dadanya menyapu awan berarak lalu,
Rambutnya mengirai urai mengalun lagu,
Dari puncaknya segar mengalir dingin air,
Itulah gunung tanah tercinta bangsaku,

Dengarlah bisik gemersik sungai jernih,
Burung-burung berkicau melayang di tebingnya,
Di sini ikan bermain di lumut batu,
Di sini petani merasakan nikmat dinginmu,

Pantainya tempat berteduh tiap hati,
Di hujung alisnya gigi air membelai lembut,
Salam dari gelombang membawa suara nelayan,
Laut melambai paut memberi rezeki hidup,

Sawah ladang pepohon dan tanah subur,
Petani kehitaman dipanggang matahari,
Dusun dan belukar yang berzaman-zaman,
Rakyatlah ahli waris pemilik segalanya.